


'Cause I Believe In Breathing Just For Today

by Froggimus_Rex



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Emotional Abuse, Mutual Masturbation, Post-Canon, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:54:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24538048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Froggimus_Rex/pseuds/Froggimus_Rex
Summary: War is hard. Peace is harder.(Someone, please just let these children sleep.)
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 363





	'Cause I Believe In Breathing Just For Today

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Breath In Now_ by george

Peace was exhausting. It was a lot of things, actually, that Catra was discovering now that everyone was starting to come down off the initial exhilarating high of freeing Etheria. Messy, complicated, somehow even harder than war. They'd all been fighting so long that no one really knew what came next. But mostly it was exhausting.

There were too many things to do, not enough people to do them, especially since you had to figure out who was the right person to put out which fires and who'd just make everything worse, and in Catra's opinion far too many people were under the impression that She-Ra was that right person. Including Adora, who was still convinced she had to do everything and save everyone. Frustrating as that was, she was also incredibly susceptible to Catra pouncing on her and demanding kisses, enabling Bow or Glimmer to figure out which situations she actually _needed_ to help with while she was distracted.

It was still too many, though Catra was willing to consider the possibility that her position that 'any' was too many and they should just bundle Adora off into space for her own good might also be unworkable, if only because Adora kept turning her own distraction back on her. It was deeply unfair, how the soft press of her lips could completely steal the breath Catra desperately needed to argue her point, and even more unfair that if she pointed that out Adora might stop doing it. 

Or maybe she wouldn't.

They'd already had one fight, a bad one, one she'd deliberately picked, she didn't even know why. No, that wasn't true, she was trying to be better about this, about being honest with herself. She'd picked it because she'd been scared, because Adora had been going somewhere she'd razed with Hordak, because she'd panicked and convinced herself that Adora was going to realise that she shouldn't, couldn't, didn't love her, then made it worse by lashing out like she always did, lying to herself that it'd hurt less that way. She'd known she shouldn't have the moment the words left her mouth, harsh, cruel, cutting, aimed where she knew they'd hurt most, but it was already too late, Adora's stupid, soft, amazing smile already crumpling into something heartbreaking, and she'd turned and fled before she could respond. 

Since she was already falling back into old, bad habits, it hadn't taken her long to find some dark, hidden corner of camp to burrow into, unsure if it'd be worse if Adora came to tell her to go, or if she just didn't come after her at all, only this time she had Melog as a warm, living barrier between her and the world. A warm, living barrier that she could sob into, and who, when Adora had inevitably come looking for her, had promptly sat on her to keep her from running away again.

Adora hadn't been mad, or at least hadn't had that implacable, done with everything expression she'd been afraid of, and she didn't smell like she'd been crying. Instead as she slumped down against the wall next to Catra, not looking at her, knees hugged to her chest, she'd just been _tired_ , and somehow that had been even worse.

She'd needed, wanted, to say sorry. Sorry that she'd said those things. Sorry that she kept doing this. Sorry that there was something in her that would rather ruin the best thing that'd ever happened to her than risk it being taken away.

She was still trying to force that apology past her lips when Adora sighed heavily, and reached over to bury her fingers in the amorphous mass of Melog's mane, still not looking at her. "Scorpia's going instead," she'd said. "It's on the way to the Fright Zone, and she's good at building bridges. Reminding people that even after everything, the Horde are, that they're...we're people too."

And since Catra had managed to drive her away before the worst of it, she wouldn't have taken part in the actual attack. Smart.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"What?" Of all things Catra had been expecting her to say, dreading, really, that was definitely not one of them. Not in such a small uncertain voice. "Why would you think that?"

"I thought we were good. I know you're not exactly happy about how often I have to go be She-Ra." Adora had a gift for understatement sometimes. It was still a daily struggle not to curl up around her and start hissing possessively at anyone who came too close. She was working on it. "But I thought we were good, and then today..."

Today Catra had dredged up every single way she knew to make a person feel small and hurled them at Adora as hard as she could. To hurt her worse. To hurt her _first_. "No, we were good." She'd risked reaching for Adora's hand and was relieved when instead of pulling away she'd gripped it tightly. Too tightly if anything. "Are good. So good that I got scared, and you know what happens when I'm scared." She'd left too many scars on her over the years for her not to.

"I do." Another sigh, and Adora'd scrubbed her face with her free hand, rested her chin on her knees. "Catra, it's okay to be scared. I'm scared all the time." 

Catra had somehow managed to bite down on the automatic retort, the childish need to deny Adora's fears because of what acknowledging them meant.

"I'm scared of letting down the people I love, failing them, that they'll get hurt because I wasn't fast enough, or strong enough, smart enough, perfect enough, just...enough. Because I'm not. Not enough, just not much of anything, really. So I try to do everything they want me to, be everything they want me to be, give until there's nothing left, because I'm _terrified_ of what'll happen when I do fail, when there's too many things to be, when there's finally nothing left to give.

"Because deep down, I know as soon as I can't, the second I'm not perfect, not useful, they won't want me anymore. That they'll realise I'm just not worth it. And what you said..."

Since she was trying not to lie to herself, none of that had really been a surprise, couldn't have been, not really, but Adora actually coming out and saying it had made Catra hate anyone and everyone who'd made her believe that, including herself. "I made you think you were right to be afraid." 

"Yeah." Adora had cried then. The way they'd learned when they were kids, where you wouldn't notice if you weren't listening for the hitch of breath, watching for the tears. It had Melog sitting up to lick her cheeks and Catra feeling about three inches tall. "It's okay to be scared, Catra, but when you lash out and try to hurt me, you, well, you hurt me. And we _need_ to stop hurting each other. We've done it enough."

"I'm sorry." There wasn't really anything else she could say. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" Adora's grip had instantly gone painfully tight, as if she was afraid Catra was going to try that disappearing act again. A fear that maybe wasn't entirely unjustified. "I want you to trust me when I say I'm always going to love you instead of treating it like a challenge to prove me wrong."

Catra had still been trying to process that when Adora had hauled her into her lap, into a searing, desperate kiss that she couldn't _not_ return. A familiar, frantic heat, one that hadn't been properly satisfied in years, kindling between her legs as Adora bit at her mouth, her jaw, her neck, pleaded with her to stay.

Of course, Adora had barely started kissing down her chest before her exhaustion had caught up with her and she'd passed out with her face buried between Catra's breasts. The awkwardness and frustration had been worth it to ensure Adora actually slept for once, for the way she'd clung to her when she had finally woken. If she was still grappling with the knowledge Adora was just as terrified of losing this as she was, just how badly she could hurt her without even trying, and how that made her feel shitty instead of powerful, well, that was probably some kind of growth. Go her.

Still, they were talking more now. Trying to, at least. There were still subjects neither of them brought up, strange spiky vines of grief and anger and shame choking the words in her throat, and others that just fell through the cracks.

Like sleeping arrangements. That was probably something that should've come up before everyone moved to Bright Moon.

It just hadn't been that big a deal in the camp, collapsing side by side on their bedrolls, the only real change from before was that they now regularly woke up to find one of them had migrated over to the other's during the night. But Bright Moon was different in ways Catra found hard to articulate. It was Adora's space in a way their bunks or her quarters back in the Fright Zone never had been, not really, and she couldn't shake the sense she was intruding. Which was stupid, Adora was excited about this, Catra had been curious to find out how much of her description was made up, especially once Bow had started elaborating, even Glimmer seemed enthusiastic once she'd gotten the cheerful passive aggression over that time she'd attacked out. 

The worst part was that she knew it wouldn't be a problem if they'd come together like they'd planned. They'd be curled up somewhere, maybe kissing, maybe more, maybe just sleeping, but together. But they hadn't and now she was standing in the middle of a Bright Moon corridor, anxiously kneading a ratty Horde blanket between her claws, completely alone.

_Mrr._ There was an indignant press on her mind and against her shin.

Mostly alone. Melog didn't cou- was just different, okay. In the absence of non-Melog people, without Adora around, her mind started running down well worn paths and now she'd convinced herself, again, it was all about to go wrong.

Why? Why was she like this? Why couldn't she just be happy for once?

It wasn't even that she regretted making that detour to the Fright Zone. Scorpia had asked, and even if she hadn't owed her, she was trying to be a better friend, the kind who didn't think in terms of owing. Not that it would've tipped the scales if she had, since she'd barely even gotten there before Scorpia had handed her the backpack of things from her room. It'd been light, practically empty, but the blanket had been on top. Worn, maybe as little worse for wear, but clean and otherwise intact.

Scorpia hadn't even acted like it was a big deal. But then, that kind of thoughtfulness wasn't really any kind of deal for her. Catra hadn't known how to react, or what to say, and by time she guessed it might have been an idea to be the one hugging her for a change the moment had passed. She suspected that Melog spending the entire trip back with her head on Scorpia's knee, purring and getting her ears scratched helped, though.

There was another crate, still in the hold of the transport, but that could keep. She didn't want to deal with it without Adora and she didn't want to force Adora to deal with it yet.

But that left her here, standing in a hallway in the middle of the night, unable to make herself open a door and go through it.

"Catra! What are you doing?"

Catra did not yelp, startle, or spin on the spot to face Glimmer. At all. If she did it was because she meant to. "Nothing," she replied, reflexively defensive. "What are _you_ doing?"

Glimmer stared at her for one very long moment. "It's my home, I live here." Her expression softened as she added encouragingly. "That _is_ Adora's room."

"I knew that!" The words shot out of her mouth before she had a chance to consider if Glimmer thinking she was lost was better or worse than the truth. "It's just, it's late, and I don't want to disturb... you know she hasn't been getting enough... so it's probably best if I just-"

Her babbling was cut off by Glimmer grabbing the sides of her face and dragging her down to eye level, her voice low and dangerous. "Catra. Do you have any idea how long it took me to convince Adora that nothing bad would happen if she went to bed without waiting up for you?" Catra was going to guess the answer was longer than Glimmer cared for. "She has been completely unbearable today, so you are going to sleep in that room. I don't care if it's on the bed or the couch or the floor, but you are going to be in there when she wakes up, or I am going to give you a personal tour of the moat. Do you understand me?"

There wasn't really anything she could do other than nod meekly. It wasn't fair that Glimmer had somehow gotten terrifying now they were on the same side.

"Great!" In an instant, Glimmer's mood brightened again and she found herself being spun around and shoved towards the door, still holding the blanket like a shield. "We're having a late breakfast so you guys can sleep in!"

The door shut behind her with a soft and very final click, followed by the muffled thump of something large and heavy flopping down in front of it, because Melog had apparently thrown in with Glimmer on this issue. 

And there she was. Adora hadn't been exaggerating about the room, it was ridiculous to the point of intimidation. Not, thankfully, the same way as Prime's ship, but she completely understood why Adora had needed a _normal_ bed to sleep in here. Not that she seemed to be having an issue with the whole sleep thing right now.

She was sprawled out in her underwear, dead to the world, half-off the bed, limbs splayed around her haphazardly in a pose Catra remembered from a hundred childhood dares over who could go without sleep longer. Yeah, she wasn't letting Glimmer know that regardless of whatever Adora'd promised her, she hadn't actually convinced her to go to sleep at all.

Though it would've been simpler if she had managed to stay awake. She wouldn't have had to decide whether to let sleeping girls lie. It'd be easy to get on the bed without waking her, especially when she was too tired to even thrash about, find a space in the graceless curve of her body to curl into, and despite all the worst case scenarios her brain kept helpfully supplying, she knew Adora wouldn't actually be mad if she did that. Just disappointed she didn't get to welcome her. 

Standing far enough back in case she startled her, she started hissing her name. Softly at first, then louder. "Adora. Adora. Adora!"

"'m awake!" It was far from the worst of Adora's awakenings she'd witnessed, but she still managed to fall off the bed. She scrambled to her feet, proclaiming her wakefulness, only to stop when she saw her.  
The look on her face was just so blindingly, breathtakingly happy. The knot in her chest eased, her fears banished by the brightness in that smile. She didn't even care that she was grinning back like an idiot, hard enough her face hurt. "Hey."

She wasn't sure how long they just stood there, grinning at each other, before Adora blinked and frowned in confusion. "You brought your old blanket?"

"What? No! It's yours." Wait, she hadn't meant to tell her that, and now Adora was starting to smirk, which was unfairly attractive on her. "I mean, it's stupid, it doesn't even smell lik-"

She was still babbling when Adora crossed the distance between them and started kissing her, soft and sweet and insistent. Tail curling, she relaxed into the kiss, reaching up to cup Adora's face. She didn't even realise she'd let go of the blanket until Adora finally pulled away again, triumphantly holding it aloft. "You kept my blanket because you _like_ me."

"Not when you're like this, I don't." Even if she hadn't been on the verge of laughing despite herself, it was a half-hearted comeback at best. She knew Adora hadn't exactly been inclined to believe that before she'd made any dramatic proclamations of feelings, now she was just ignoring her in the most obnoxiously cheerful way possible as she remade the bed with the blanket.

"You like me," she declared, then flopped back onto the bed. She propped herself up on her elbows and grinned at her. "Hey, Catra."

Her mouth went dry. It should have been ridiculous, Adora lounging on her old, battered Horde issue blanket, which looked even shabbier against the rest of the room, wearing a grey, shapeless singlet that hid her curves and baggy shorts that showed off her legs, making eyes at her and doing her best to fucking purr her words. Instead it was the single most erotic thing Catra could ever remember seeing. And maybe part of her felt that every time she saw Adora like this, but it had been a long time since she'd seen Adora like this, especially not so carefree, relaxed, and focused entirely on her.

She took her time stumbling over to the bed, torn between needing to join her immediately and wanting to savour the moment. Though Adora solved that dilemma by reeling her in the moment she came within reach, pulling her down on top of her, tugging at her clothes. Her hurried, impatient movements were a marked contrast to the last time she'd undressed her, when Catra had wanted, _needed_ , to be out of the costume Prime had put her in, but was still too weak to do more than claw it up. Then she'd been quick, efficient, gentle, but hesitant to actually make contact. She'd told herself Adora couldn't bear to even touch her, which was stupid, even when she'd convinced herself they hated each other they'd found any excuse to touch, no matter how unpleasant, but the greedy, possessive way Adora now ran her hands over her skin, combed her nails though her fur, pressed kisses to her face and neck that made her shiver and purr, made it clear just how much of an idiot she'd been.

She wasn't going to compound that idiocy further by holding back now. She didn't waste any more time in pushing up Adora's singlet, helping her wriggle out of her shorts, mapping the changes in her body with fingertips, lips, and tongue. She had more scars than before, faint, well-healed, some Catra couldn't place and some she could, the ghost of harsh, angular lines like the afterimage of staring at a bright light between her breasts. She'd also filled out some, her muscles firmer and broader, their outlines softened by a fine layer of flesh with more give to it in a way they hadn't been since that growth spurt that had melted away the last of Adora's baby fat and left her growling stomach a constant, unwelcome soundtrack to their lives. Some things hadn't changed though, she still gasped and pressed upwards when she traced her claws lightly over her skin, giggled when her fur brushed against a sensitive, ticklish spot, smelt of sweat and arousal under the scented Bright Moon soap, tried to hide her jaw-cracking yawn against her shoulder.

She pulled back, ears canted downwards, tried not to be disappointed. "You should sleep," she said. "We have all the time in the world." It stung a bit less when she realised she actually believed that. 

"No." Adora drew out the word like a petulant toddler, not that she recalled Adora ever being a petulant toddler, even in her earliest, fuzziest memories of her. "Want you now."

Catra didn't fight Adora pulling her back down anywhere near as much as she should have, though she did shove back against her shoulder when she tried to roll on top of her, not wanting to be trapped, however pleasantly, if she passed out again. They ended up on their sides, trading lazy, gentle kisses and lazy, gentle touches, fingers sliding and rubbing effortlessly through the slickness of each other's cunts. It was a slow, achingly sweet build, using what they knew of each other's bodies to hold off completion instead of rushing it along, Catra catching Adora's increasingly loud and desperate gasps with her mouth, pinning her free hand with hers, snagging her lip in her teeth before she could.

The reward for her efforts came when, well, they did, Adora letting out a single, clear cry as she shuddered and clutched Catra closer, fingers never ceasing their movements between Catra's legs until she was dragged over after her. As her breathing slowly returned to normal she lifted her head to say something, she wasn't sure what, and just stared instead.

Adora was glowing. She hadn't actually changed, as far as Catra could tell, but every part of her was alight with that pale golden glow that she got when she did, and she was watching her with eyes that were that vivid, electric blue instead of their usual grey. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. You're just all…" She gestured helplessly at Adora, who looked down at herself and burst out laughing. A deep, fearless belly laugh that filled her chest with an unfamiliar lightness.

"Look what you did!" She wrapped herself around Catra and started peppering her back and shoulders with sleepy, nuzzly kisses. "You're magic."

"You're magic," she said without any heat, not even putting up a token effort to escape. "And ridiculous, and if you don't go to sleep right now, I'm...I'm going to stay in Glimmer's room instead."

It was the direst threat she could come up with, and completely and utterly empty. Which Adora knew. "You won't," she declared airly. "You don't know where it is."

"Guess I'm stuck with you then." She knew she was purring so loudly it wasn't even worth trying to be sarcastic, but old habits died hard. "How terrible."

"Hey, Catra, guess what." Adora's mouth had wandered up to her ear and her voice had gone low and conspiratorial. "I love you."

Maybe someday those words wouldn't send a thrill through her, but not today. She was grinning again and her purring kicked up a notch. "I love you too," she said, her tail wrapping itself around Adora's leg. "Now, go to sleep."

She started to drift off herself as Adora's breathing slowed and deepened, but just when she thought she'd finally gotten back to sleep. "Catra?"

She made a non-committal noise, not willing to ignore her, but hoping she'd get the hint.

Adora's face was pressed into the back of her neck, where the shaved fur was finally starting to feel normal again. "Have you thought about growing out your hair?"

"Not really." But then she never really thought about her hair, deliberately hadn't been the last few times she'd taken a knife to it. "Why?"

"Just wondering." Adora couldn't even fake casual when she was wide awake, let alone half-asleep. She'd been thinking about this a while.

She turned the question over in her mind for some time before asking it. "Do you want me to?"

"Not if…" Half the words were lost in a yawn. "Not if you don't."

"That wasn't what I asked."

Her only response was soft, regular breathing. Which figured. She sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling further into the warmth and security of Adora's arms. They had tomorrow to talk about it. They had every tomorrow to talk about it. Today they could just rest.

Together.


End file.
